yet another will, forgive me father for I’ve sinned I’ve harmed...

2 years ago

forgive me father for I’ve sinned

I’ve harmed people who love me

I have made them feel I hate

I have made people think I blame this on somebody

I’m deeply sorry for bothering u with so many short messages

I’m going to stop now for good, I hope, but u should know they all had a reason

I’m not depressed

I’m more rational than most people think

I just can’t be filled anymore

I know myself

I know now I can’t find what I want

so I give up now

so soon u’ll say

who really knows about timing…

I dreamed about a world (a small personal one) with no lies

where there was no such a thing as perfection

but we could be honest

we could give ourselves out completely

we were meant for each other

we saw the world in a very similar way

it hurts me so much to think about the person I’ve loved the most

sleeping with someone else… gets me so sick

so lame I know…

when it comes to reasons I only have the real ones

I’d never kill myself over a girl

I don’t want to be alone

I claim to be misanthropic but…

despite what u may think I don’t like using people

I don’t like to manipulate either

I’ve never felt attracted to revenge

I profoundly believe in the importance of truth

make me cry with truths don’t ever make me laugh with lies

I now cannot believe in cause-effect

nothing makes a little sense anymore

I can’t use somebody to think I’m less alone

I don’t want to nor like to use anything that alters reality

does anybody believe in perfect matches?

I conceive love in a very weird utopic ridiculous way

I’m tired of crying alone

but most of all I’m tired of not being even able to cry

I never really had someone who understood me

always people agreed with those who hurt me

sorry for the selfpity

I just, just needed to express it

it’s so easy for people to judge when u end up taking this kind of decision

they just think they have all the answer

very few asked

I know u tried to help me

but this is bigger than u

bigger than me

and I know u will simplify by saying I did this over a girl who traded me

that is not true

I don’t blame this on her

I blame this on nobody but me

because I have uncommon dreams

because I don’t think like most people

because I need reasons to do things

because I need to understand some things

because I feel things differently

so call me crazy or stupid

u wouldn’t be the first one and u wouldn’t be wrong either

I’m here crying typing all this

I’m really sorry

specially to my dad I need everybody to take care of him

dad u did more than possible for me, no regrets please

I’ve driven u to a road of uncertainty which is basically hell

some people will pretend to care; be aware of that.

don’t miss the fact, that I was dead some time ago

I wonder if somebody ever missed me

I’m sorry I can’t

I can’t

I can’t

can’t do this anymore

I tried I swear I did

but I’m already convinced

there’s no point in avoiding, denying what is there

november the 9th and 10th were great days for some

some new relationships began and stuff like that

I took 30 pills broke my upper lip

something happened to my right leg

the thing is I woke up next day

somehow I went to training and I remember crying in front of a lot of strangers

and staring at a screen going asleep

I received a phone call I can’t recall anything about I can remember from whom though

I remember leaving work early

nobody had noticed I was sleeping anyways

I don’t remember much else

I don’t want to make people happy out of a lie

that’s also why I don’t like any kind of drugs

I quit my job the 4th of Dec

little after I found out apparently the season last name guy was working there too

I’m not sure how much it had to do with it

I just couldn’t take it anymore I had several reasons

what was the boost anyway

I’m tired of making some people worry

I’m so sorry about that

after those days that nothing happened

I didn’t know what to do

I’m not even sure what to do now

because everything could not work again

LP u should have at least told me to my face

everyone who teamed up to say I was the bad person here that I didn’t deserve shit

I don’t know why u did it

but I guess I understand and of course no hard feelings

D Garcia was great she seemed really empathetic but I don’t know for sure

no regrets people

this is just the end of one journey

both my parents are great people. that’s why I can’t keep hurting them

thank u all for the great moments specially for those that were true

LP u could never imagine what u meant to me.

hold on to hope if u can

these are my last advices to u all

if u can do the smallest thing for someone who is incredible pain

don’t

that way people will say u r right and will support u; be as selfish as possible.

that is unless u have a conscience

if u do, then trust me

truth will set u free many more times than u think

always say what u need to say

don’t save anything

don’t say anyone u love them if u don’t

love is a powerful word

and I believe it to be the strongest force in the whole world

well maybe next to hatred

too bad love makes me want to throw up now

kids? think them through VERY VERY MUCH

don’t do things out of guilt nor out of fear

don’t excuse yourselves by saying u r human and u make mistakes because of that

human should not be a synonym for animal

but for someone who looks for perfection

don’t do or stop doing things because u refrain

do good things because u enjoy doing them

don’t abstain be what u r

if u want to change something do it

don’t remain numb watching how u could have done something how life goes through how u could have been happier

don’t keep things out of pride

try to always be the bigger person

if revenge works for u, do it

don’t be monogamous because of obligation

be clear about it

as long as possible don’t use banks

doing things changes things; time just leaves things as they are even though u may not notice it

don’t be afraid

and if u r, express how u feel

my fingers are going numb now…

my family is great; they are all so talented

spend more time together

bring those who aren’t so close lately

forgive each other

say whatever u think first

saying things will help everyone in so many unimaginable ways

agree to disagree

take risks

always believe in something otherwise u r lost

do always everything always more than seemed possible

push urself to the boundaries

try until u r on the ground

don’t jump into conclusions

don’t judge a book by its cover

Here is my secret. It is very simple: It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.

thank u all very much from the bottom of my heart

u did every possible thing.

no regrets I MEAN IT

I hope u can forgive me some time

sorry for the “empty” words

I LOVE U ALL WITH MY WHOLE DAMAGED CRAZY HEART

I’m not completely sure what I’m going to do so…

If something happens and I fail again or I back down I’ll let u know ASAP but I hope that won’t happen. I’ll tell u either way
Notes

Comments

Notes

Latest Tweets

Following

Tumblr